FULLY SURRENDER IN THE EVER PRESENT NOW

"One of the conclusions I have come to in my old age is the importance of living in the ever present now.  In the past, too often I indulged in the belief that somehow or other tomorrow would be brighter or happier or richer."-Ruth Casey

Music adds a lot to our lives.  When we watch a movie, for example, there is always some song playing that adds depth to the character, the plot or the scene.  Often I've wondered if my life were a movie, what song might be playing that would make that movie memorable to the people watching.  For me, music, like the sense of smell, always brings back a feeling or a memory from another time.  I can be in the middle of a thought or a task and a certain song will come on and it will stop me in my tracks and I will remember and reflect.  Even though I don't play any instruments and you definitely don't want to hear me sing with a microphone, music is powerful in my life.

One of the songs that made me stop and reflect recently was Have You Ever Seen The Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival.  I did a little checking, and the real meaning behind these lyrics really has absolutely nothing to do with why I like it and why it makes me stop and reflect, so if you know the real meaning forget about it for a minute.  The reason I like it so much is because the rain when the sun is shining is one of the most beautiful things in nature to me.   Usually when the sun is out and it's raining there is also a beautiful rainbow, and the smells are intoxicating.  One time we were driving to Crested Butte over Kebler Pass.  The sky was really dark over to the East, but the sun was shining where we were and it was lightly raining.  We had the windows and the sunroof open and I remember taking a deep breath a couple times trying to drink in the smell of the rain in the early evening.  At one point we turned a corner so we were looking directly at this very large, very close mountain.  The dark clouds were behind the mountain, the sun was shining, there was a little rain, and one of the most vibrant rainbows I've ever seen perfectly encircled that mountain.  It was so breathtaking that we both let out kind of a groan and came to a halt in the middle of the road.  We got out and stood there drinking in that picture.  That vision and memory will live in my mind more vividly than any picture because I was there, I smelled the smells, I felt the feelings and I stopped and took notice.

I don't stop much.  Even when I'm sitting or lying still, my mind doesn't follow suit.  I think most women can identify with that, though I'm not sure about men.  All I know is that for my whole life I've always had a racing mind: Thinking constantly about my day's to-do list;  What I accomplished that day, what was left undone;  Conversations I had with people, things I said or did that I wish could have been different;  Ways I want to change tomorrow, things I swear I will do better; Food I ate, or should have not eaten; My workout, or lack therof; Money, or lack therof; Ways I want to help, love and touch others; How to be a better mom and wife;  How to live more in the present.  Thoughts like these race in my mind all day, and all night.  I know they do at night because I dream like I live-- too fast.

The overwhelming themes for my life this year have been 1) Trust and 2) Live in the present. I'm pretty horrible at both.   I even woke up this morning, like I do so many days, feeling incredibly anxious because I have a very large to-do list, my house is a mess, we are leaving for a vacation and I need to pack and clean before I leave, it's raining outside so I might not get to go on a walk today, I'm worried about money (the lack therof ) and my job...the list goes on and on and on.  But right in this moment something is different and I had to stop and write it down.   Maybe it was the smell of the rain; Maybe it was because my ringtone on my phone is Creedence Clearwater Revival; Maybe it was my new baby needing me to sit down and feed him; Maybe it was the song playing in the background:  "You are the only One I need, I bow all of me at Your feet, I worship You alone, for You alone are Father and You alone are good, You alone are Savior and You alone, are God."  Suddenly it hit me.  I needed to stop everything and be present in this moment.

Usually when I sense I need to stop everything in me screams:  Wait, I'm terrible at stopping!  I'm terrible at being present!  How do I even do that?  How can I enjoy this moment when I've got so many things that demand my attention? How can I possibly do enough, be enough, get enough done if I stop?!   I don't know how I'm going to respond tomorrow, but I'm so thankful that right at this moment I know one thing:   Even in the midst of the busyness of my life and the struggles I have (the rain), the sun (Son) is present in my life and the only important thing in this moment is to bow all of me at His feet, surrendering myself and my to-do list completely to Him,  thanking the God of the Universe for being more than enough.

Enough by Chris Tomlin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHEm-b4IRYk